oops, i fell into a pit of self-harm and despair and i don't think anybody saw me so to stuck is quite a blessing in disguise because i'm not dragging anybody down with me you won't kill me with your hands, but you can hurt me with your words i'm breaking down on the floor again blood pooling to the entrance of the door i've been in and out of hospital beds all year take a picture of my face so you can feel sick any time you want to i'll be waiting on my knees for the bullet you'll bring me (i'm kinda lost and i hope you're doing well tonight) (maybe in time, we will find that we all end up in the same place. maybe in time you will realize that anybody could take my place in everybody's lives.)

"you don't deserve to feel wanted you're only here because we need somebody to lighten the load of this unbalanced friend group and, if it were my decision, i'd give you a gun so you can finally leave here like you want to! point your finger at the one that you expected to love you and watch as we rip them piece by piece, just like we told you we'd do!" (and everybody will slowly see how mentally unwell i can really be, and start to move away from me swiftly! my personality will always be defined by my imminent suicide!) apollo, why did you have to be so drunk? maybe if weren't, i could find somebody to love and maybe then people wouldn't have to look at me with mental gymnastic glasses and see as real of a woman as i can be char, why did you have to pretend to love anything other than your statch of weed and your new Doc Martens you can't even run in i'm running away from my problems by taking lots of medication and going away without calling you need more than weed to be happy

detrimental distrust of my brain overexposed, underexplained i hope the hospital ghosts keep the light on me fuck you and fuck these open verses open wrists and kitty curses would it be more than alright if i drunk-called 988 tonight? (you ruined me! i'm fucking ruined! i'm fucking ruined!)

running into fast oncoming traffic hopefully they don't steer right this time i want to feel my bones break out of their places i want to see my blood fall down in thick lines of gushing seas and nobody comes to rescue me and you stay the hell out of my way i can resign myself to awkwardly sitting on your lap in the chair to sweaty nervous handjobs in the contra costa stadium cinema i never had time to settle in, the world was always caving into itself and i'm surprised as to why nobody wants me around when i talk to myself like this "you've gone through so much, and yet you're still here!" don't remind me i'm not fucking delusional hatred is sacred and i am the giver ashley won't grow new eyebrows you'll meet her in a black bathroom and shoot her in the head cut from the neck and hold it next to your stomach send it home to char they're crying on the now blood-soaked guilt-ridden bed -when the skin breaks it feels so good!- send yr answers now! cut scene, end arm we all stand up and take a bow but it's not like it's emotional or anything i'm just another tran, just another fling i hate my arms, i hate their marks i want to destroy anything! i speak in demos of phrases i meant to memorize through bleeding teeth, i'll always keep documenting the lives of my past friends who want to bury their memories of me in petty songs mick hate my guts and the boyfriends with feelings! don't remind me that i've lost that hopeful gleam in my eyes that everyone said i had back then my eyes can't adjust to the sun as quick as they used to maybe it's time to shut the curtains and let everybody take a bow for their incredible performances in "the boring story of eric" hospital ghosts working the lights and throwing sharpener blades into the crowd to cut through this clockwise fog or something or whatever that guy said in that one song i've gotten this human meat shield apparatus to work and nobody suspects a thing days spent in my bed looking at old texts from friends to nights on the nsfw board looking for something to harm for

summer never ends in my room all alone stockpile bags of pills to dry swallow just how i feel "it's not you, it's 100% you and your brain." walking down the aisle, tongue-tied "what do you want to do with your life?" i want to end it, isn't it so fucking obvious? (i lost it all in the worst of the seasons, the sickness spread with a sense of regret, my eyes refuse to focus to exist, this lack of self does its best to forget!) (*incoherent screaming* i'm falling short of what my breathing demands, oh!) (i won't be here to correct you when you use my deadname! i won't be here to forget you!) i feel so fucking illiterate the seeds that were planted in my mouth have hatched a plan to hijack my brain and make me feel joy again i feel so fucking belligerent why must i always stop the knife from going into my skin and hitting styro so i don't pass out? i feel so fucking illiterate the seeds that were planted in my mouth have hatched a plan to make me feel dumb and make me feel young again i feel like i was never fit for this i was never meant to be here for more than these 16 years why must i always resign myself to being so depressed? IT'S FAMILIAR TO ME!

you don't have to worry about me i've been seeing clear all week my bed became my rotting spot, seven movies a week and i've been ghosting my therapist because what are my "problems", but just self-admitted torture? constantly surrounded by spirits i know the names of what did you want me to say? i cried while i was walking home from yr friend's senior graduation wearing a cat ear headband made of beads i wasted so much time maintaining these useless fragile friendships i could've learned how to twinkle by now i wanna be the couple in the front of the crowd getting overly touchy and freaking everyone out feeling myself deflate under the pressure of their eyes (i put a cigarette between my lips. the blood and spit surround the filter like it's a home that they miss. the second act was a complete disaster, and life has no real place for cowards, so where would that leave me? i'd say i'm sorry for everything, but i know that means nothing to you now) the space between all of us is a place filled with ribbon worms it's as deadly as the marina trench (it's not that serious, just like hitting eject on a VCR. i can try to record over this shit, but i'll still remember all the bad parts.) never looking forward always looking back yet forced to walk can do nothing but walk in some malformed way, i guess i tried but not enough for it to matter "do i spy with my own eyes some bitch who's rotting away? soon, you won't be tied down by emotions, but it's not that day! you're alone, we're all alone, but you're the only motherfucker that's still bitching about it though! part of the fun is everybody will let you in out of pity but not enough to let you into their hearts!" do you realize we have nothing to do but rot away in a wave of self-mutilation, nothing can remain that would change your mind (just like that girl joanna lopez, i want to disappear completely. or to have not existed at all, just a fading "memory" kept alive during sleepless nights and the nightmares of your dreams.)

i am dancing, i am dancing but i don't forget to sweat because comfort mixed with alcohol won't save me from a wreck and the ceiling is sick of incoherent fake speeches about misguided love it's been recording for weeks this was supposed to be sacred this was all supposed to be sacred

did you mean to look at me or the shadow girl that's behind me? the one who always tells me what to say and how to waste my time, doing nothing we watched the sea collapse together hand in hand, hating each other but i'd be 22 if i didn't take my life so soon "guys, she'd be 22 if she didn't take her life so soon." goddamn, the beach is so cold but it beats having to be perceived looking through the same glasses every week hoping something different will graze my feed i refuse to be a sad story i'll just resign myself to being a little footnote in your autobiography

i can imagine for you, time flew by but lately it's been making me feel like i should die but i don't even deserve to think i have any say in my life "get stronger. get better. can't seem to see the shadows that appear to me as i walk outside in the cold dark night, i think about my friends but i hope they don't think of me." you asked me if i was scared of god and i told you: "the only people who're scared of him are people who already know they're going to hell" i've made peace with my place there so why does it hurt so much? what am i so afraid of? i can't help myself but be a misery cloud over everyone i'll tell you when, you aim for my head waking up to find i can't see my reflection in the kitchen knife so i'll try to see myself in anybody else instead did we mean to look at these rotting corpses and start laughing? shot himself in the back seat of your favorite dream now memories, false life stored i see my words fall in the discord call and i consider dying fuck having friends (false connections! burn those bridges and make them question their "love"!) stop, stop, stop now! i must redeem myself somehow or at least trick my brain into thinking i am we're not truly friends until i've dreamt about cutting off your face and wearing it to a school dance and unlike you, agapi mou, i'm not allowed to forget tell him i was worthless and pathetic then watch as my fingers bend into my skull!! did you mean to be happy? it's so funny to see that same song you played for me about the stray dog and the chocolate shake throwing your heart so carelessly at people who leave you breathless and behind throw another computer at someone's face eat someone's heart out of their chest do anything do anything but smile!!!! she makes me bleed but it's not like i'm suffering hotline told you i was a lost case, i wouldn't get far 'cause i planned to bumrush and secretly goad the police who would've guessed we'd see patrick bateman kissing a robot at a halloween party? i remember writing this type of song a year ago something about how you didn't feel the need to kiss me "she loves me. i swear, she loves me. i remember putting my head through the roof of her car. she said forever, now i cry alone while she sleeps." i tell myself i'm not alone i tell myself this is some idiotic dream but i can feel the blood pooling towards the sink and they're all watching me disgustingly trying to get into the bathroom door screaming, telling me i'm hurting them and i open the door after i tend to myself and it's nothing waiting for me (i am so lonely! someone please save me! melodramatic! caving into the sea! apologies to the bitter sea, i gave it the best i had! drowning in lack of sleep and social stability, i hope i'm never coming back!) am i the horse with the broken leg? (will you miss me?) am i the horse with the broken leg? (will you delete me from your memory? oh god) am i the horse with the broken leg? (will i be forgotten? i hope so) am i the horse with the broken leg? (will you miss me?) am i the horse with the broken leg? (will you delete me from your memory? oh god) am i the horse with the broken leg? (will i be just a fading memory? i hope so.) goodbye, hello we'll always have each other in one disturbing way or another we've been conjoined at the fingertips ever since we first laid eyes on each other's lungs ("you like LCD and licking dirty shoes, if you're okay with me, then i'm okay with you! i see eyes when i close mine!)

we used mechanical parts to make this piece of shit heart work faster! we take our lives in our hands to live somewhere distant, somewhere where everything goes according to plan don't fucking text me, it's over the birds are dead, yet you remain despite all my attempts to clear your vision and make you realize this is all a fleeting illusion of not being lonely but it can always get worse, and i know i'll deserve it when it does! i'm ashing my cigarette out the window of yr sister's car to later pass out and look at the neon green plastic sticky stars on the ceiling everything is funny, but nothing makes sense it's a facetime call with razors, i can never relax and it's a darker kind of humor, but i can still hear you laugh show me the impact point and i'll pretend like i'm worth saving! (we are waiting by the sea, to drown you in your own pathetic misery) it's a sea of endless bleeding arteries and my mouth, full of cotton and your eyes, bleeding trees and the birds have made their nest inside me will you reach out and make me believe my life is worth saving? i have no safeword i have no real reason to object to terrible things happening to my body you are my abuser, and i will pander to your every whim you were the one that had me in the bathroom my legs twisted over your dropped jeans and everything is exactly as it seems everything is just another tree for me to hang myself on do you understand?

the birds are all dead died in the winter i watched them choke on cold air from my window in september i wrote another note i thought it would be the one but soon my hands were so cramped and my eyes have truly sunk into some form of stupor, some delusion where i'm wanted a claustrophobic dream where my past friends think i'm harmless again you be the captain, i'll be the anchor drop me into the bloody seas when you want to i may be drowning but it doesn't matter as long as i get to see you fuel yourself, it's okay i didn't pull up the ladder then but i can't see my reflection so how selfish would it be if you could see mine? i know you aren't one for crying we'll be sleeping through the summer infected cuts and bloody splinters at least until october because you need to embarrass yourself in front of all your past friends at the homecoming dance (i envy joanna lopez, no matter if she's real or not, because she got to disappear completely, the girl that time forgot)

corpse trees swaying stuck silver in the wind bleeding us dry, like leeches in shoes we stick to the ground and try to stay put but agents of time push us apart mere leaves in a breeze, on a spring-tornadoe day

scrape these bones clean of my fucked mucus and oil deem me worthy for decapitation yr ego is a hospital balloon, fuel burning down emotion! ~ hospital ghost! headless horsemen! ~ it all, too, was my fault i am not a human just a collection of bojack horseman quotes stuck together in soured flesh "euronymous is dead and we couldn't be happier!" swimming in glass fragments i wait and wait for the made-up versions of people that hate me to forgive me swimming in arm blood i wait and wait for people to find out who i am what have i done to deserve this misery? i've done everything to deserve this misery! hold my skin close to yrself fuck me like you want me dead spiral circles leading downwards i want to die cutely for you the most fem i've ever been ever since i had hope i want to die cutely for you! the sun doesn't lessen in brightness!

the view from the seats cut through this clockwise fog or whatever that guy screaming through my earbuds means am i really a killing machine or just a misguided corpse, smiling? i look upon the cast, they played their parts so well can we start over, these old lines were embarrassing but poorly written's just a thing that you expect of me at this point, the only way to make this into good art is if it never releases at all "i stab my reflection at least three times a week and i've stopped trying to think about what you'd think if i left you no words behind to read through" what a shitty way to let somebody know that you know they hate you electric violins playing double-time in my ears as the blood surrounds the blade my body has become your lampshade watching him eat you out, throw me out the window i can't wait for you to meet the girl who will kill me i hope you know that guilt surrounds you whether you like it or not i maim myself on sharpener blades in fluorescent-lit bathrooms all knife, all knife you can't kill me with your hands but you will hurt me with your touch "good boy" please hurt me it's nothing i don't already deserve please reach out to me with a knife or a handgun and give me the ending i truly deserve i'll be so silent, i'll crawl to a corner and try to paint a "sorry" with the blood from my body "please bury me in one of those cool green prince daddy and the hyena hoodies i'm not even really a fan of them but how else will my resting place be marked?" i wrote this line back when i had a friend who wore those things but now we're not because i never learned how to stop talking i think i'm fucked in the brain why can't i just stop doing everything i do forever??? myth, i'm so sorry kayne, i'm so sorry please help me i feel so sick i feel so sick all the time these are lines i'll regret to write "all i have are these dead jokes. these broken horse jaws." i must’ve listened to gammagirl play potter’s field about a thousand times. how much longer must i expose my body for random people on omegle just to feel wanted? maybe to save myself, i’ve started thinking of hell less as a punishment, but more as a guarantee. please save your breath, cause i wasted all of mine, 18 years i wasted breathing, 18 years i left behind. put your blood back in your body and apologize to everyone you’ve traumatized. will i see cis and cis-passing trans women posting beautiful pictures of themselves to my lyrics about not feeling like a real girl and feeling inadequate to others just because i’m a non-passing trans woman? am i a bad person for even thinking about that with hesitation? you don’t deserve to be somebody’s “only”.

(let go of your happiness and realize you will be alone credits, leave the theater and drive back home in silence hope it's just a passing phase another hospital ghost possession cigarette ash falls like snowflakes, closest i'll get to a winter experience!) "put your blood back in your body and apologize to everyone you've traumatized because you couldn't go four fucking seconds without opening up your diseased cancer-laden throat!" i wish i knew what to say to make it end being bitter makes for better songs, but i can't make for shit i'm a storyteller, if your definition equates to words leaving lips the fact that you're surprised i could be this way is proof that you held me in too high of regard in your brain! i wish i was something beautiful i wish the sun shone on my back i thought i could see the skies smile but i couldn't see much through the crack be sad and lonely not scared, just tired impress your friends with how much you can truly self-destruct don't go to sleep now who said you deserved to not be lucid for long periods of time? presumptuous to think your friends would care! just put some glass between your fingers and jam it into your open mouth to keep the words from coming out cause, let's face it, when's the last time that ever did you any good, you fucking faggot? always let my scars burst always looking back at the things i lack couldn't give but took what i didn't deserve like the hospitality of online friends and long conversations about our situations cut up into a thousand fragments of voice messages when i die, i will be judged based upon the actions of a few bad years and i'll have deserved it a dreamless sleep in a broken bed i made it, i earned it. (the film beneath the screen; damaged and flickering; will always as weak as the first time i was here!)

the seeds that were planted in me have failed in their mission to make me dumb again it's been over 30 minutes since i thought of breaking spirits i just hope that i come back as a poltergeist so i can see everybody move on without me see all my past friends fall in love and get married see as they look back at all our old texts and shrug and lay back down on the couch with someone who loves them poorly justified delusions that i'm wanted save me again from my panic attacks and then fuck me over again my unimportance seeps into my art i can't remember the last time i didn't write about my stupid dumb idiotic dysphoria and sadness! i won't let myself go home nothing to lose you say sorry, then i say sorry and at the end of the day, we're both too embarrassed to move i'm glad i never had to say "don't ever think about me" because they haven't acknowledged my presence since 2021 last spring! I'M FUCKING UP AGAIN!!!!!!! HERE I'M COMING, CONSTANTINOPLE I AM COMING, CONSTANTINOPLE GROWN NEW LUNGS SINCE THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE you kept his ghost under yr bed, inside waking up to dry slowly in the heat of pleasant eyes your friends, too annoyed to be fucked with showing up to your marching band rehearsal don't expect a bouquet when they realize what you are and what you've done to yrself "sarah please i can't lose you too" i see your face in the darkness and i tell you "i'll be fine" but i don't show my legs because they're marked but it's healed, so it's all alright i'll be kind to myself when myself deserves it too vague of shoulders, too broad of topics pick something else other than my stupid sadness and watch me poison it anyways "everyone's in such a rush to kill themselves, but it's gonna be me that dies!" thanks for the kind words, mom, as always stick to yr word, let's do a speedrun next time! i can't wait for you to meet the girl who will love me she's sharp and made of metal and she likes to leave her mark on my once-lovely flesh but that's how she shows her affection! my one true valentine, my sun soaking scarlet addiction! (do you remember how i used to be before i turned the poison onto myself? do you remember anything???) this is getting too melodramatic even for me we have gone away adele, my love i will clean yr apartment floor there's a hospital bell that my dad never got to ring i see his face around my old home there's a support group for all of the people that were unfortunately the subject of my lyrics they now need a special medication some vague hard-to-explain Lacuna-style treatment mick, i apologize to you. (myth, you don't get it. i can't be forgiven til i'm dead.) aubree, i apologize to you. (kris, you don't get it. i can't be forgiven til i'm dead.) mars, i apologize to you. (sam, you don't get it. i can't be forgiven til i'm dead.) quinn, i apologize to you. (summer, you don't get it. i can't be forgiven til i'm dead.) char, you know i already do. (please just forget me, just a fading memory. it's a funny thing; everyone seems less empty when i leave.) i hope you guys laugh together when this is all through and remember if you need me just stomp twice on the pavement and i'll come flying upwards, out of my room in satan's basement (i love you, i miss you, i hate you, but you hate me too.) "i don't want my mom to walk in and see a gun in my mouth and some blotches on my sleeve. i'll go somewhere silent, somewhere where there's violence but it always happens off-screen." we will fade away i love you, forward momentum, oh disappear into sides of humans not meant to be understand me, oh never let me go put yr cum under my throat never let me go back to happiness, oh

these pieces aren't as salvageable as i thought and i already thought they were rusted enough i scared everybody who knew me open mouth has ruined my future once again repeat until sober and scars have healed tomorrow's parking lot cars and city bus seats that throw me around i'll think: "maybe i'll make like a pop-punk kid and jettison out of this fucking town!" but the bile will follow each step i take and the fumes will taint my words as each syllable leaves my lips "despite the words you etch into your fucking thighs, you still like to think they keep you in their minds; a ship that has long since sailed and all of the passengers died when it ran into some choppy weather and the starboard side crashed into the memories of your words!" nothing lost, nothing gained! just bought more time to feel ashamed! hiraeth, but you can't go back there's no saving this now! --- my funeral will be a victory lap of the memories of me in isolation and wishing i had the guts to dream again and not just take apart these same clay knives go through the top, like a story told backwards another day in sin, thinking about how i used to think there'd be someone for me to fall in the arms of pretty hair, red face covered legs "what a disgrace", i know she thinks while i'm stuttering in speeches about how i like her yaamc t-shirt and her tattoos (another flashback: "i can be less neurotic for you!") "summers are for drinking, breaking edge, and wearing the clothes of the person you spent the night with; not about sleeping in, staying home and feeling so sad, worthless and pathetic! get yr shit together, you can write that stupid letter when you're foaming at the mouth, sit on michael's couch and watch those stupid music videos that you hate, with all the neon lights and energy and girls you won't meet because that would have to mean you leave the house and show yr hideous face in the daylight!" i guess it was stupid entirely pathetic to cry in front of you just served as reminders all i'm useful for is being servile to whomever i see as somebody who has their shit together never had a sense for love maybe that's why i feel so loved when i'm being hurt being taken as nothing that library dream, shouldn't have been you, should've been me i think my body's a disease it's filled with marks and scars that bleed i was forced into a bathroom stall as a kid so i guess i've been sucking dick since grade 3 i was a chore just a stupid tranny scumfuck when i cried on the phone and told you how my mom told me: "how many pills did you waste?" so next time, i'm getting it right too much preamble to not end up as a statistic no, i can't be bipolar that's too easy of an explanation and too light of a sentencing to scold me for what i am and how i've treated people who didn't deserve to be in hell or at least not the hell i gave them "go fuck yourself, you always wanted to get away!" it's nothing new, these things ring true when i'm two feet in my grave i love you, guys but let's be honest, did you feel the same? hey char, hey mick, hey aubs do you know what i can't explain? you taught me how to let go of the past, and yet you were the first to call once any trace of you remained you taught me how to tie my first noose, and you almost jumped off a cliff because of it you let me into your house so sad to think about how we used to say we'd move it together as friends now i'm just another face of your phone i don't fucking forgive you and i retract my previous apologies i wrote those lyrics while crying my eyes out silently while laying face-first on the street and, oh, how my knees remain weak! no more songs about bleeding hearts and missing everything! the only thing that should be bleeding here is me! the birds went cold, i made you wear them for the luxury scene! please say you'll bury me! my words remain hollow nothings --- death: "the end has always been built in to the beginning. i do nothing but let you find your own ways. do you blame yourself for all of the suffering you caused everybody who knew you? do you still see char when you close your eyes? their passive and mousy face pressed violently against the thick ghostly pale skin of a brick wall? do you see ashley alone wrapped around a telephone pole? squealing and shivering in the winter air her front window smashed and her face cut into shreds? my sweet baby i left her at the barn it was her you were forced to watch that day do you still remember it all? the way she walked and stomped on the moist dirt floor strong like a little tyrant? the way the hunter lowered his rifle and penetrated the back of her head with his bullet? the way he dragged her back into the barn, leaving her face to be scratched and stained by the mud? do you remember what he did to her then? of course you do. i made sure you didn't ever forget. do you remember how he slid off her tiny pants and exposed her penis? do you remember his famous hunting knife how it glistened beneath the film tears? do you remember the sound of its sharp point going down the length of the dead girl's shaft? how he pushed it in deeper the farther down the blade went? do you remember the torrents of deep royal red blood spewing down from the girl's scrotum and collecting on her unwashed anal opening? the bare wrinkled ends touching the washed-out splintered wood? do you remember what happened after, sarah? of course you do. he fucked her. do you still see it? his penis buried deep inside her caverns, pushing all her small little organs out of place and making her bleed as he expanded her passage by force? how you watched it all happen from an unidentifiable dark expanse full of dried-up leaves? how badly you wanted to break the projector and help that little girl. how, no matter how much you tried, you couldn't reach anything but the bottom of your face? you can still feel the hot streams of tears pouring down to your mouth. tell me, sarah. can you still taste the salt?" --- i should've killed myself on trans day of remembrance that would've made everybody laugh you had to crop your t-shirts in the living room while they watched because they didn't trust you to be alone with a pair of scissors it was a big deal when they saw your body lifted into the back of the ems van and all the while, i stumble and fumble my tongue like a freakshow when i learn to speak, it will be to a nice man i met haphazardly with a loud metal microphone i will speak in memories calling you poor unelectric heads a projection on a screen watching my body fall up and down the computer screen just to feel wanted i want to feel wanted i wish i believed that somebody really wanted me to stay alive so i can blame them for the fact that i'm not dead yet because in all honesty, i'm so fucking scared of what happens after it was supposed to end in 2021 i thought i had taken enough but all i did was wake up and wash my face in puke with the wind blowing forever sideways it doesn't matter if i didn't mean to hurt them anymore the truth is that i did and that's all that matters and all that awaits me in the oblivion plane was destined for me as soon as i opened my dumb fucking mouth i wish he had raped away my ability to speak maybe then i'd still have some friends to spare can i be your housewife so many bird years wasted by my hands pick me up by my broken teeth and skullfuck me until i feel alive again say something shocking for the audience myth thinks it's a pathetic way to live your life reminiscing on a past you can't return to hung myself with a wicker belt in freshman year how stupid could i be to think that would work i wish you had made something of me i wish i was a miscarriage like the doctors said i was i wish i could apologize in a way that didn't require words i wish i never wrote any of these songs but it's too late now it's the crux of knowing me nobody leaves my life unscathed i wrote a thousand petty songs for you depending on if you're hearing this my head hits water i eat shit on non-existent ground sometimes i wish my mother would die so i can slice my throat without guilt she spent so many years taking care of me and i'll throw it away because i'm an inherently selfish and evil person devoid of anything that should fill the shell it's pathetic to know that i'll never be able to be intimate with another girl without feeling like an overbearing mutated masculine freak i'll always feel as though i'm faking they don't make songs for girls like me girls like me don't get to live past age 30 and i'll leave breaking the cycle to someone else i'm sorry to everybody i know i'm sorry i couldn't be what you needed i'm sorry i let this ruin me the way it has i'm sorry i let it pile up inside of me until i had nothing left but photos i'll walk out like every girl before me i thought i had more to say than this --- "give me something profoundly melodramatic. something that people will gush about on rym for long after i've already been dead. something that'll make them say 'this is the future' and post it to their twitter page. one more cold and callous thing to embarrass my friends and my family with. please, just give me something that means anything for once." but my brain remained silent for the first time in forever and i'll never stop trying to make it permanent. --- (i wish i never met anybody i know maybe then, things would be different for one, i'd be dead like i was already meant to be take a picture of my corpse when it washes up in a few years) (detrimental distrust of my brain overexposed, underexplained you ruined me! you ruined me!) (running into fast oncoming traffic hopefully they don't steer right this time i want to feel my bones break out of their places i want to see my blood fall down in thick lines of gushing seas) (i mentally put my hands into vices whenever i find myself reminiscing about how much i truly fucked things up) we're still the same, if not minorly fucked. --- (eternal oblivion)